Prediction - This will probably be my most boring post ever. Rather indicative of my life at the moment, actually. You ever have that feeling you're on a perpetual treadmill? You're not actually sitting idle, literally, you do the things that allow you to lead a mechanical sort of existence, and you get absorbed in them for a while, but then you glance up and look around you and notice you're at the exact same place you were last week, last year, your whole life and everything around you is exactly the same as it has ever been. And you ponder about it for a while and get back on the treadmill with increased gusto until you stop for your next breather and realize you still haven't moved an inch.
An idle mind is the devil's workshop, they say. The mind is a muscle, they say, exercise it or you'll lose it, they say. Kind of contradictory, don't you think? Unless, of course, the devil has a mindless workshop. Do workshops have minds, anyways?? Lets look at this statement in a converse sort of way, shall we? Well, not this statement, exactly, or that statement, either. To exercise your mind means not losing it. Conversely, to lose your exercise implies not minding it. It also implies, and is implied by you bloating up like a balloon. Well, me bloating up like a balloon, to be precise. Does that mean I've lost your exercise? Not surprising, considering the things I lose on a daily basis. To name a few, my Parker pen, my camera bag, two cellphone chargers, one cellphone, my helmet, my bike keys, my torch and it. Yup, I've most definitely lost it.
What is it about reality shows, anyway? There's much hoohaa about a Ms. Shilpa Shetty winning a firangi reality show and consequently getting showered with moolah. But the poor thing, she's getting oh so badly bullied by her fellow contestants. And that's enough to get every desi mard out there fretting and fuming and ranting about his 'watan ki mitthi' and the next thing you know, there's a show on CNN-IBN about the racial undertones prevalent in the current day phenomenon of adult western bullying. This, incidentally, was preceded by a show where Shankar Mahadevan talks about his latest song that he painstakingly conceived with the noble intention of imbuing a much needed sense of patriotism in today's youth.....Rs. 450 a CD, of course. The news ticker at the bottom reads 'Woman sells her kid for Rs. 12,000'. TOI then writes a follow-up article on bullying in schools, illustrated by a telling picture of 2 college guys eve-teasing a girl. And just in case that doesn't grab one's attention, the next article is a sure clincher - 'Angelina has capital weekend'...accompanied by illustrations of the Jolie babe having a capital weekend. You gotta be thorough when you're running India's leading newspaper, you know.
Did you know that everything around you could be measured in degrees? No, not everything, you say? Hmm...I'd have to agree. You can't measure milk in degrees, for instance. Well, the temperature of milk, maybe, but that's not the same thing, is it? You can, however, measure boredom in degrees. Let's take degrees 1-5, alright? 1 being the most boring and 5 being the least.
Degree 1 - You're lying in a hospital bed. Seven days pass by and you're still lying in the same hospital bed. You wake up on the eighth morning with a burst of excitement. Today's the day you leave the bed, finally! You gulp down your morning idlis and afternoon idlis in a flash and then ask for an extra idli, because obviously, anyone capable of eating so many idlis can't be too sick to leave, right? Your eyes latch on to the seconds hand of the clock and finally, after a nerve tingling wait, it's 5pm and two malayali nurses come in to escort you off the bed. You must be dreaming, you think, and pinch yourself to ensure its really happening. Slowly but surely your feet move downwards and hit the floor. You feel your butt separating itself from its week long companion (with some reluctance) and then...you're standing, proudly, with one malayali nurse holding each arm. Slowly, unsteadily, you make your way to the door, open it slowly. You're giddy with delight, you see the most wondrous sight you have in a week, more beautiful than the Taj Mahal, more awe-inspiring than the Himalayas.....the hospital corridor! You start to walk down it, leaving your room, one step, two steps...the simple process of linear progression suggests you reach 5 steps eventually. The nurses beam, the doctor beams, congratulates you on your progress and asks you to continue this exercise regimen, twice a day, for the next three days of stay in your hospital bed. If things go well you get to climb up and down the stairwell on the fourth day.
Degree 2 - You're at a party. You didn't want to go but were too polite to refuse. You land up on time, greet the host, then look around and observe exactly zero known faces. The host takes this opportunity to slip away quietly. You notice that every single unknown face is deep in conversation with other unknown faces. After 20 mins of staring at the wall and 4 visits to the toilet, you sidle up to one of the groups only to find they're discussing the finer points of the political situation in Bolivia two decades ago. After an eternity, you glance down at your watch and observe what must definitely be a distortion in the space-time continuum...its hands have only moved forward by 5 min. You notice a guy talking animatedly some distance away. He catches your glance and gives you a polite smile. You grab the opportunity to sidle up to him, only to find that he's describing the 23rd amendment to the property tax laws to a group of 70-somethings. The hostess then comes down, with a sweet smile tells you to get your next drink as the bar is shutting down, and oh, you definitely can't leave without having dinner...it'll be served in just under an hour.
Degree 3 - Watching a 3 hour mallu movie. I once saw one that had 10 minutes of footage of an old lady using a wet grinder. That was followed by another 10 minutes of a man (the hero, presumably) riding a bicycle from place A to place B.
Degree 4 - Being too bored to continue........
So that, along with bringing this post to an end, precludes the 5th degree - being too bored to read any further.
An idle mind is the devil's workshop, they say. The mind is a muscle, they say, exercise it or you'll lose it, they say. Kind of contradictory, don't you think? Unless, of course, the devil has a mindless workshop. Do workshops have minds, anyways?? Lets look at this statement in a converse sort of way, shall we? Well, not this statement, exactly, or that statement, either. To exercise your mind means not losing it. Conversely, to lose your exercise implies not minding it. It also implies, and is implied by you bloating up like a balloon. Well, me bloating up like a balloon, to be precise. Does that mean I've lost your exercise? Not surprising, considering the things I lose on a daily basis. To name a few, my Parker pen, my camera bag, two cellphone chargers, one cellphone, my helmet, my bike keys, my torch and it. Yup, I've most definitely lost it.
What is it about reality shows, anyway? There's much hoohaa about a Ms. Shilpa Shetty winning a firangi reality show and consequently getting showered with moolah. But the poor thing, she's getting oh so badly bullied by her fellow contestants. And that's enough to get every desi mard out there fretting and fuming and ranting about his 'watan ki mitthi' and the next thing you know, there's a show on CNN-IBN about the racial undertones prevalent in the current day phenomenon of adult western bullying. This, incidentally, was preceded by a show where Shankar Mahadevan talks about his latest song that he painstakingly conceived with the noble intention of imbuing a much needed sense of patriotism in today's youth.....Rs. 450 a CD, of course. The news ticker at the bottom reads 'Woman sells her kid for Rs. 12,000'. TOI then writes a follow-up article on bullying in schools, illustrated by a telling picture of 2 college guys eve-teasing a girl. And just in case that doesn't grab one's attention, the next article is a sure clincher - 'Angelina has capital weekend'...accompanied by illustrations of the Jolie babe having a capital weekend. You gotta be thorough when you're running India's leading newspaper, you know.
Did you know that everything around you could be measured in degrees? No, not everything, you say? Hmm...I'd have to agree. You can't measure milk in degrees, for instance. Well, the temperature of milk, maybe, but that's not the same thing, is it? You can, however, measure boredom in degrees. Let's take degrees 1-5, alright? 1 being the most boring and 5 being the least.
Degree 1 - You're lying in a hospital bed. Seven days pass by and you're still lying in the same hospital bed. You wake up on the eighth morning with a burst of excitement. Today's the day you leave the bed, finally! You gulp down your morning idlis and afternoon idlis in a flash and then ask for an extra idli, because obviously, anyone capable of eating so many idlis can't be too sick to leave, right? Your eyes latch on to the seconds hand of the clock and finally, after a nerve tingling wait, it's 5pm and two malayali nurses come in to escort you off the bed. You must be dreaming, you think, and pinch yourself to ensure its really happening. Slowly but surely your feet move downwards and hit the floor. You feel your butt separating itself from its week long companion (with some reluctance) and then...you're standing, proudly, with one malayali nurse holding each arm. Slowly, unsteadily, you make your way to the door, open it slowly. You're giddy with delight, you see the most wondrous sight you have in a week, more beautiful than the Taj Mahal, more awe-inspiring than the Himalayas.....the hospital corridor! You start to walk down it, leaving your room, one step, two steps...the simple process of linear progression suggests you reach 5 steps eventually. The nurses beam, the doctor beams, congratulates you on your progress and asks you to continue this exercise regimen, twice a day, for the next three days of stay in your hospital bed. If things go well you get to climb up and down the stairwell on the fourth day.
Degree 2 - You're at a party. You didn't want to go but were too polite to refuse. You land up on time, greet the host, then look around and observe exactly zero known faces. The host takes this opportunity to slip away quietly. You notice that every single unknown face is deep in conversation with other unknown faces. After 20 mins of staring at the wall and 4 visits to the toilet, you sidle up to one of the groups only to find they're discussing the finer points of the political situation in Bolivia two decades ago. After an eternity, you glance down at your watch and observe what must definitely be a distortion in the space-time continuum...its hands have only moved forward by 5 min. You notice a guy talking animatedly some distance away. He catches your glance and gives you a polite smile. You grab the opportunity to sidle up to him, only to find that he's describing the 23rd amendment to the property tax laws to a group of 70-somethings. The hostess then comes down, with a sweet smile tells you to get your next drink as the bar is shutting down, and oh, you definitely can't leave without having dinner...it'll be served in just under an hour.
Degree 3 - Watching a 3 hour mallu movie. I once saw one that had 10 minutes of footage of an old lady using a wet grinder. That was followed by another 10 minutes of a man (the hero, presumably) riding a bicycle from place A to place B.
Degree 4 - Being too bored to continue........
So that, along with bringing this post to an end, precludes the 5th degree - being too bored to read any further.
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