Man, as a species, always seems to have had a fascination for quests. History and fiction both, are replete with stories of men boldly venturing out into the great unknown and facing untold dangers in search of the one great thing - be it an artifact, a lost land or even a woman - that would soothe their souls, quell their fears and lift their hearts. From King Arthur's (and Tom Hanks', in more recent times) quest for the Holy Grail and the Jews quest for the Promised Land, to Frodo's quest for Mordor and Jack Sparrow's for Davy Jones' Locker, these are tales that tell of great courage, valiance and a reckless defiance of the greatest odds, that serve to highlight the steely resolve and indomitable spirit of Man.
All of these pale, however, in comarison to My Quest For Holy Matrimony.
The start of very quest happens with a wizened old mentor instilling the germ of an idea into the dashing young hero's mind, which until that precise moment is happily immersed in blissful thoughts with no cares in the world. In this particular case, there were two wizened old mentors, a man and woman of great age and wisdom, who had long since discarded their earthly names and chose to be addressed only by the titles of Dad and Mom. The dashing young hero was for a long time loth to listen to their counsel and wished to carry on with his carefree bachelor life. The wizened mentors were not easily budged however, and finally persuaded the youngling to comply by divining the will of Nature through ominous signs like bulging bellies, balding heads and a disturbing closeness to the numeral 30.
And how exactly did the prodigious protagonist embark on this journey, you ask, with neither noble steed nor trusty aide? Oh, but he had, he had both! A divine portal he had, effective as the best crystal ball (and a lot more two-dimensional) in locating fair maidens far and wide, and bringing them right before his eyes. And with the wizened mentors aiding in interpreting the mysterious language of the portal, what more could he want?
So it was that the flamboyant phenom succeeded in speaking to the First Fair Maiden. An old acquaintance she was, having studied in the same university as the hero himself, and therefore well-known to him. She had in fact, unbeknowningstly stolen his heart for a few brief moments when he first laid his eyes on her, whereupon he had unhesitatingly bestowed upon her the epithet of 'Beacon of Light'. (This simple act of the heart was to cause him much embarassment later, as certain friends would revel in poking him in the ribs and switching on light bulbs whenever she passed by). Sadly though,this knowledge remained a one-way stream. Whether it was because the flamboyant phenom was a bit of a jerk when it came to chatting up women, or because he had the implicit wisdom not to attach much importance to crushes on first sight, is a matter of some debate. Anyways, this first attempt did not attempt to much, on the whole. The two parties in question spoke a couple of times, mailed each other a couple times more, and thereafter contact fizzled out completely.
Our hero, however, had this particularly endearing quality of not dwelling too much on past affairs, and soon moved on with life, this episode relegated to the cobwebby attic of his mind. It was several months later that the Divine Portal revealed the face of the Second Fair Maiden, and she was so much closer to the Leading Man. (Literally, I mean...she lived in the same city that he had taken up residence in). With the wizened mentors taking up the lead in establishing initial contact, a meeting was soon arranged between the two parties.
Now, our indefatigable Iyer had little foreknowledge of formal meetings of this sort. He had heard word though, that the common practice was to ask queries like "What are your hobbies" and "What is your educational background" right after the Maiden served him tea on a tray. Armed with this priceless information, our young hero set off to the Maiden's house for his first ever 'Ladki Dekhna' session.
What our hero's astute young mind was not prepared for, however, was that he had to run the gauntlet before he even had the chance to lay eyes on the Fair Maiden. "Ha! A test of will, is it?" thought he, and prepared to hold conversation with a stern-faced father, stern-faced brother and stern-faced mother (no doubt those of the Maiden, he quickly decided) who silently materialized before him in the order mentioned above.
And so he began. And how the words flowed! Many different things he talked of, from Bullet motorcycles and ponytailed riders, to trips along NH7 and NH48, to Enfield mechanics and Enfield showrooms, and ended with a particularly indepth discourse on the metallurgy and heating characteristics of the Enfield piston (in the process touching upon the seizure recovery patterns of Bullet vs Yamaha motorcycles).
Then the Maiden came and served him tea on a tray. Quick as a flash, our charming hero took his cue to shoot out "So what is your hobbies and what are your educational backgrounds?"
It was while ruminating about these events many moons later, that our marvel of Mankind realized that the frequent furtive glances that the mother and father had given each other may just have been of ones of fear, not appreciation, and that the look of solemn hopefulness he saw on the Maiden's face as he took his leave was actually one of relief barely contained.
So time rolled on, with the cobwebby attic getting more and more crowded, when the Divine Portal suddenly sprang to life and revealed the face of the Third Fair Maiden. She was no ordinary maiden either, but One Who Had Travelled The Seven Seas. Ah, what a stoke of luck, thought He Who Had Drunk Mother's Milk, and thus proceeded to engage in a long and fruitful telephone conversation with her.
Now it so chanced that shortly after, our stupendous stalwart had to visit her city of residence on business. Quickly remembering the prior fruitful conversation, he cunningly made use of the telephone again to arrange a meeting with her, taking care this time not to utter the words "Bullet", "Enfield", "Hobbies" or "Educational Backgrounds" in his conversation. Well, it worked beyond measure, and before you know it, there they were, the two of them, sipping a Capuccino and a Cafe Latte at the nearest Barista. To cut a long story short, they talked of many many things, many many people, many many animals and many many places, and ultimately took pleasant leave of each other.
The events that transpired after this are deep, dark and disturbing. Be warned that they are not for the faint of heart!
'Twas a dark and silent night, with nary a star on the sky. An inky blackness slowly descended upon the earth, surrounding the surroundings like a heavy cloak and choking the very breath out of the world. 'Twas not a night for merriment, but one for dark and foreboding thoughts and checking of emails. It was while the stupendous stalwart was involved in the latter, that the darkness was shattered by a shard of lightning. The sudden flash of light revealed a face, not so much human but that of a pale white ghost (!!), with the life blood seemingly sucked out of it! But what is this?? Subsequent investigation reveals that the ghostly face belonged to none other than our beloved hero, caught in a moment of disbelief when he espied an email from She Who Crossed Seven Seas stating that she was not, after all, interested in taking things forward.
"Well, that's another one for the attic", thought He Who Thinks He Suffers From Mild Form Of Korsakoff's Syndrome. And thus, dear readers, did life continue for our hero, with the trials and travails that are but a part of this wordly materialistic life that engulfs all mortals in the universe.
But what happens next? Does the story have a happy ending, do I hear you ask? Alas, dear reader, that I doth not know yet. The hand of fate playeth in mysterious ways. And more importantly, I spy the boss cometh towards my room, which forceth me to stop right here and drag myself back to the foul confines of reality.
But really...what does happen next? Does our hero endure? Does he finally taste the sweet fruit of success? And what other tricks do the wizened mentors have up their sleeves? What will destiny throw in the path of our hapless hero, valiantly struggling against forces that would overwhelm most mortal men? To find out, keep watching this space for the spellbinding sequel - "A Tale of Courage - The Two Towering Maidens"
All of these pale, however, in comarison to My Quest For Holy Matrimony.
The start of very quest happens with a wizened old mentor instilling the germ of an idea into the dashing young hero's mind, which until that precise moment is happily immersed in blissful thoughts with no cares in the world. In this particular case, there were two wizened old mentors, a man and woman of great age and wisdom, who had long since discarded their earthly names and chose to be addressed only by the titles of Dad and Mom. The dashing young hero was for a long time loth to listen to their counsel and wished to carry on with his carefree bachelor life. The wizened mentors were not easily budged however, and finally persuaded the youngling to comply by divining the will of Nature through ominous signs like bulging bellies, balding heads and a disturbing closeness to the numeral 30.
And how exactly did the prodigious protagonist embark on this journey, you ask, with neither noble steed nor trusty aide? Oh, but he had, he had both! A divine portal he had, effective as the best crystal ball (and a lot more two-dimensional) in locating fair maidens far and wide, and bringing them right before his eyes. And with the wizened mentors aiding in interpreting the mysterious language of the portal, what more could he want?
So it was that the flamboyant phenom succeeded in speaking to the First Fair Maiden. An old acquaintance she was, having studied in the same university as the hero himself, and therefore well-known to him. She had in fact, unbeknowningstly stolen his heart for a few brief moments when he first laid his eyes on her, whereupon he had unhesitatingly bestowed upon her the epithet of 'Beacon of Light'. (This simple act of the heart was to cause him much embarassment later, as certain friends would revel in poking him in the ribs and switching on light bulbs whenever she passed by). Sadly though,this knowledge remained a one-way stream. Whether it was because the flamboyant phenom was a bit of a jerk when it came to chatting up women, or because he had the implicit wisdom not to attach much importance to crushes on first sight, is a matter of some debate. Anyways, this first attempt did not attempt to much, on the whole. The two parties in question spoke a couple of times, mailed each other a couple times more, and thereafter contact fizzled out completely.
Our hero, however, had this particularly endearing quality of not dwelling too much on past affairs, and soon moved on with life, this episode relegated to the cobwebby attic of his mind. It was several months later that the Divine Portal revealed the face of the Second Fair Maiden, and she was so much closer to the Leading Man. (Literally, I mean...she lived in the same city that he had taken up residence in). With the wizened mentors taking up the lead in establishing initial contact, a meeting was soon arranged between the two parties.
Now, our indefatigable Iyer had little foreknowledge of formal meetings of this sort. He had heard word though, that the common practice was to ask queries like "What are your hobbies" and "What is your educational background" right after the Maiden served him tea on a tray. Armed with this priceless information, our young hero set off to the Maiden's house for his first ever 'Ladki Dekhna' session.
What our hero's astute young mind was not prepared for, however, was that he had to run the gauntlet before he even had the chance to lay eyes on the Fair Maiden. "Ha! A test of will, is it?" thought he, and prepared to hold conversation with a stern-faced father, stern-faced brother and stern-faced mother (no doubt those of the Maiden, he quickly decided) who silently materialized before him in the order mentioned above.
And so he began. And how the words flowed! Many different things he talked of, from Bullet motorcycles and ponytailed riders, to trips along NH7 and NH48, to Enfield mechanics and Enfield showrooms, and ended with a particularly indepth discourse on the metallurgy and heating characteristics of the Enfield piston (in the process touching upon the seizure recovery patterns of Bullet vs Yamaha motorcycles).
Then the Maiden came and served him tea on a tray. Quick as a flash, our charming hero took his cue to shoot out "So what is your hobbies and what are your educational backgrounds?"
It was while ruminating about these events many moons later, that our marvel of Mankind realized that the frequent furtive glances that the mother and father had given each other may just have been of ones of fear, not appreciation, and that the look of solemn hopefulness he saw on the Maiden's face as he took his leave was actually one of relief barely contained.
So time rolled on, with the cobwebby attic getting more and more crowded, when the Divine Portal suddenly sprang to life and revealed the face of the Third Fair Maiden. She was no ordinary maiden either, but One Who Had Travelled The Seven Seas. Ah, what a stoke of luck, thought He Who Had Drunk Mother's Milk, and thus proceeded to engage in a long and fruitful telephone conversation with her.
Now it so chanced that shortly after, our stupendous stalwart had to visit her city of residence on business. Quickly remembering the prior fruitful conversation, he cunningly made use of the telephone again to arrange a meeting with her, taking care this time not to utter the words "Bullet", "Enfield", "Hobbies" or "Educational Backgrounds" in his conversation. Well, it worked beyond measure, and before you know it, there they were, the two of them, sipping a Capuccino and a Cafe Latte at the nearest Barista. To cut a long story short, they talked of many many things, many many people, many many animals and many many places, and ultimately took pleasant leave of each other.
The events that transpired after this are deep, dark and disturbing. Be warned that they are not for the faint of heart!
'Twas a dark and silent night, with nary a star on the sky. An inky blackness slowly descended upon the earth, surrounding the surroundings like a heavy cloak and choking the very breath out of the world. 'Twas not a night for merriment, but one for dark and foreboding thoughts and checking of emails. It was while the stupendous stalwart was involved in the latter, that the darkness was shattered by a shard of lightning. The sudden flash of light revealed a face, not so much human but that of a pale white ghost (!!), with the life blood seemingly sucked out of it! But what is this?? Subsequent investigation reveals that the ghostly face belonged to none other than our beloved hero, caught in a moment of disbelief when he espied an email from She Who Crossed Seven Seas stating that she was not, after all, interested in taking things forward.
"Well, that's another one for the attic", thought He Who Thinks He Suffers From Mild Form Of Korsakoff's Syndrome. And thus, dear readers, did life continue for our hero, with the trials and travails that are but a part of this wordly materialistic life that engulfs all mortals in the universe.
But what happens next? Does the story have a happy ending, do I hear you ask? Alas, dear reader, that I doth not know yet. The hand of fate playeth in mysterious ways. And more importantly, I spy the boss cometh towards my room, which forceth me to stop right here and drag myself back to the foul confines of reality.
But really...what does happen next? Does our hero endure? Does he finally taste the sweet fruit of success? And what other tricks do the wizened mentors have up their sleeves? What will destiny throw in the path of our hapless hero, valiantly struggling against forces that would overwhelm most mortal men? To find out, keep watching this space for the spellbinding sequel - "A Tale of Courage - The Two Towering Maidens"
Comments